Breaking Stereotypes And Blurring Labels

            “Wow, really? I mean, you just seem very straight-acting,” is the response I usually get when I come out to people I have just met. Those who have known me for longer, however, say it kind of makes sense; “you never did talk about girls,” my one friend from high school phrased it. Up until recent decades, the only people who have been labeled gay are the ones who were obviously not your typical male or female. They were the emaciated men that pranced around singing show tunes in a high-pitched falsetto, or the overweight girls that watch football in gym shorts while sporting a short hair cut. But gays are everywhere… we could be anyone.

            People think, “I can’t be gay because society won’t accept me and besides, look how easy it is to blend in as straight. Better not rock the boat.” But us people (not even gays) want to be happy, and if we are going to be happy, we have to be ourselves, open and honestly.

            Ever since I came out, I’ve been the happiest, purest, most me I can remember. Before, when I heard gay comments I would feel awkward and get silent, or even defensive if it was directed towards me. I made the “leap of faith” (as opposed to “coming out of the closet”) the summer after my junior year of high school. I told one girl at a my house during a little shin dig, and within five minutes all the girls were asking me questions and talking amonst themselves about it. I think it eased some of their broken hearts, but it was fascinating to many to say the least.

            I made it a point to come out to my grade and my entire school because I knew that there must have been others like me who felt the same about his/her sexuality. I wanted to set an example that we can be proud and confident and successful just like everyone else. I was class president, captain of my wrestling team, and I was gay. My friends and peers were very accepting and I knew I had done the right thing.

            All I’m saying is that society has a certain view of what gay is, but each of us has the power to change that. Just look at the dehomophobification of the US military (yes, I made that word up) or the spreading of gay marriage from state to state (California, get your shit together). As long as you’re a good person, mean well, and try hard, then none of your true friends will ever turn their back on you. And the rest are just low-life, immature, assholes, and their time is waning. ‘Nough said. 

Pornstar to President? It Could Happen...

           A lot of people are going to disagree with me on this one, especially the conservatives, but I don’t see why participation in porn should automatically bar someone from politics. We’re all people and porn is a legal occupation, a completely legitimate form of work that provides taxes to the US government. There is clearly a demand for porn, so why can’t any willing and able person benefit from the production of such adult content. I think that having done porn should be viewed by employers the same way sexual orientation is; you can’t be overlooked for a raise or fired based on that information alone.  Yes, it will always be a part of that person’s history, but that doesn’t me that the experience has damaged him/her for life or made them any less productive in their current occupation.

            Pornstars can go on to be Broadway actors, accountants, barbers, teachers, parents, and even policemen (eg. Michael Verdugo) because society has no reason to defer them as valuable members of the community. If you allow porn to be purchased, then you need actors to perform in them, and why would you punish them for providing that service. Worldwide, porn generates 97 billion dollar industry (see source).

            Also, we seem to forget all the people who have “slipped-up” doing porn when they were younger and still went on to do great things… no presidents yet,  but the list does include big name actors like Colin Ferrell, Sylvester Stallone, Jackie Chan, and Cameron Diaz… and not to mention, California’s governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger (see source). Where do we draw the line?

            Now female ex-pornstar, Stormy Daniels is running for Senator of Louisiana. Obviously, her views and integrity will be held to a higher standard because of her past, but all the power to her if she’s good enough. As long as the candidate is open and honest about their past, then they have nothing to fear and neither do people who vote for them. Sex happens between people all the time, so why should doing so in front of a camera mean you’re useless to any other sector of the economy. And if some can get away with it, then why shouldn't everyone? Maybe it's society's view on sexuality that's messed up and not the people who participate in materialization of that demand. Maybe.

My Blood's Not Good Enough!?

          One of the most traumatizing events of my adolescent life was when I was denied the ability to donate blood for the Red Cross. It was during Greek Week and I was donating blood for a competition, but also because I've donated blood before and it’s a good thing to do. Last time I had donated, however, was in high school and I'm pretty sure I lied about sleeping with guys just because I didn't want anyone to over hear (this was before I had come out). This time, I flat out answered question #24 "yes" in response to "If you are a male, have you ever had sexual relations with another man?" When the lady looking over my paper work asked me, are you sure about your answer to number #24, I said sure and thought nothing of it. She suddenly looked very quite and sad. "I'm sorry but your blood will be thrown out based on your answer to #24.
          I was shocked, hurt, in disbelief that such an organization as the American Red Cross could be so discriminating in their blood selection. I've been tested several times, and I am well aware that I am perfectly clean, but what about the heterosexuals carrying HIV and other blood born diseases that are not so keen on getting tested? Do they seriously not even test other people's blood? This one CNN article from a year ago addresses the issue, pointing out that a straight male only has to wait a year after having sex with a prostitute before the Red Cross will accept his blood for donation. Sounds kind of silly to me.
          Yes, I'm aware that gay men in America, and especially the cities, have a higher chance of carrying such STD's, but that does not warrant the deferral of our blood just because I have sex with men. Condoms have been proven to significantly reduce the risk of STD transmittance, reduce it to the point where I have a much lower chance of catching something than my straight friends who rarely wear condoms. Maybe they should be testing everyone when they give blood, wouldn't that be a great way to get tested and do something good for society. Just a thought… Wirthmore thought. 

Why Aren't More Men Sharing Serious Kisses On TV?

          I was watching an episode of Glee with some of my friends - much to their dismay - and it was the episode where Kurt and Blane share their first kiss. Now, my friends are straight, not homophobic by any means (they don't  mind me doing the work that I do, which says a lot), but they are your typical run-of-the-mill 22 year old boys. They love barstool.com and playing girls like it's their job. So when the kiss was coming, I didn't know how they would react but if I had to guess I would have said not at all. That's why it kind of discouraged me to see one of my buddies turn away in disgust at the sight of the kiss while another one asked "Can they show that on TV!?" My answer, "Come on, are you guys serious? You can't even look at it? And of course they can show that on TV, it's 2011!" I couldn't blame them, however, because I too had been caught off guard by how uncomfortable I was when I first saw two men kiss on TV (it was the same episode only months earlier). Nevertheless, they soon dropped their case and accepted that if they are okay with guys like myself being together, they also have to be okay with seeing it from time to time on TV. I mean come on! I see straight couples share passionate kisses on day-time TV all the time. I realize we are living in a straight man's world, but we're here, we're queer, and people gotta get used to us kissing on TV more often, because that is well within our rights. 

          I started reading a couple articles on gay men kissing on TV (because come on, we see women share kisses on TV all the time, although lacking deeper emotions). I came across this one ad for Heinz featuring their Deli Mayo. I thought it was hillarious, but because some conservative thinking parents were "offended" they took it of the air. I'm personally offended that I can't kiss a guy in a commercial on TV in the UK. I just wish Heinz in America had the balls to air this commercial, at least here we have the freedom of speech.

          I also came across a couple articles by Brent Hartinger on AfterElton.com which I liked. The first one from 2008 discusses gay kisses on TV, serious kisses on soap operas and day-time drama's like As The World Turns and Greys Anatomy. The problem is that these were aired on ABC and CBS, which is why seeing two men kiss on FOX's Glee got me so excited the first time I saw it. Brent also has a more recent article from 2009 which is a bit more humorous and playful in that he rates kisses between straight guys on TV. But most of these kisses strive for more of a comic relief than an actual portrayal of LOVE. 

          In my opinion, it is every gay man's duty to not only see men kissing on TV for themselves, but also show straight people, friends, and family what two normal men kissing on national television looks like. Until we desensitize ourselves and our loved ones to the simple idea of two men kissing, we will continue to struggle against the ignorance in this country that is preventing loving same-sex couple from marrying and having a family.

Thank you.

Exodus International? WTF!?

So I just read this article about Alan Chamber's reaction to the Google Chrome commercial that showcases how it aided Dan Savage's "It Get's Better" campaign. That commercial, by the way, made me cry. Not out of sadness, but out of happiness that someone cared enough to program a computer generated Woody from Toy Story to tell little boys and girls everywhere, that it's okay to be gay. It's such a simple message, so beautiful and true, but one that I had to grapple with on my own. And even though my parents and friends were understanding, many aren't so lucky. For instance, Alan Chamber's kids. But at least their father used to be gay. Even more, he's justifying homophobic thinking, not to mention the thousands of parents who have abandoned their gay children at his pray-away-the-gay concentration camps, convincing them that he could "cure" homosexuality. Please note, the American Psychological Association concluded that homosexuality was not a disorder almost 40 years ago. There are homophobic misconceptions being spawned by the church and Exodus International isn't helping anymore than priests that privately practice pedophilia.